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[whereareyougoingstanley]

Whenever I find a blog entry of hers that is about something that matters to her and something that she's thinking about and struggling with I just get filled with this really intense and horrible feeling. I don't really know what it is but I just feel physically ill an I can't look at it right away. I don't know I just I have this feeling that we never really talk about things that actually matter unless it's me attempting to talk about things and apologising a lot and I just I long for a real conversation I crave having a night where we lie awake on my bed talking about the future and jobs and how do you know which one to do and how do you get one and what happens if you can't and how can you ever save up enough to buy a house and if you could live anywhere in the city where would it be and what would you name a cat and would you get it from the SPCA or buy it and I don't know just
stuff
or maybe talk about philosophy and whether souls exist or whether space is infinite and if we think the human race will survive for another 500 years or if Wall-e will happen
or music and what sort of songs we would sing if we had a band and what type of songs we wish we could write but we can't
or what we love about Sherlock Holmes or

I don't know
I don't care
I just want to talk.... and I want to talk in person... and I want her to talk to me.

I guess I feel like I don't matter or she doesn't trust me or mainly that she doesn't feel like she can talk to me about these things and that makes me feel like a fool because she's the only person that I can talk to about some things but she doesn't go to me she goes to the internet

I just
blerg